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Bizarre, Strange, & Eerie Tales Of The Paranormal
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| Carol
Kiefer (left) carefully watches her guests for signs of being
sucked into the Interdimensional Vortex (right). |
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Science
Fiction Is Always A Party-Stopper
CAROL'S
APARTMENT-- Carol
Kiefer doesn't know what to do. The 32-year-old single woman who likes
to entertain friends can't seem to host a party without it being disturbed
by an interdimensional vortex that inhabits the space between her living
room and her dining room.
The vortex,
a whirling tear in the fabric of space, has been in the corner of Carol's
living room since the day she moved in, and so far she hasn't been able
to figure a way to remove it.
"I first
tried mixing baking soda, mineral water and anti-graviton particles just
like it said in a Martha Stewart magazine," said Carol, "but
even though I applied plenty of solution, and I mean plenty, it didn't
go away at all. In fact, I think it got kind of bigger. So much for Martha
Stewart." |
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| Soli-tarot
card reader Evelyn Moonmist looks at the future of an unnamed
and unshirted client. |
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COUNTY
FAIRGROUNDS-- The
mysterious tent of a psychic can be ominous, and too much mystique can
frighten away potential customers, and that is never good for business.
It was at that point when former tarot card reader Evelyn Moonmist decided
to combine traditional fortune telling with modern playing-card pastimes.
Her result was Soli-Tarot.
Evelyn uses a special
52-card pack of soli-tarot cards which make the readings more understandable
to her customers. Even the most mundane client can figure out that the
two-of-clubs needs to go on top of the ace, unless of course, aces are
high. "I can tell by
putting the red-seven on the black-eight that there will be love in your
future," said Evelyn. "A second time through the deck may reveal
more." |
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PLANET
EARTH-- Kth'thzz K'th'ack had thought he was doing well
with his Earthling date, Karen. Kth'thzz, who's "not from
around here," had studied Earth customs, and believed
he was doing okay on his first date with the 27-year old legal secretary.
But
Karen, who met Kth'thzz through online dating service Galaxydating.com,
didn't think the date went very well at all.
"I
don't mind dating foreign guys," said Karen, "and
I don't mind when the guy makes the first move. But, to tell
you the truth, this guy was all hands." |
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LAS VEGAS-- The zany magician team of Penn & Teller has revealed
more than an illusionist's trick--they claim to have discovered
the secret to everlasting youth.
 "To
be honest, I'd rather we'd found the secret to good looks,"
said Penn Gillette, who admitted that he has been performing magic
since 1789.
"It was Romania in 1908, when I met Teller," said Penn,
remembering fondly. "He was performing in a carnival as the
beardless man."
The entertaining duo are not ready to divulge the secret of agelessness--just
yet--and promise that when they do announce the secret, it will
be surrounded by mischief, misdirection, and hyjinx.
"Oh, you will be amazed," said Penn, with a
devilish grin.
Teller had nothing to add. |
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| Mark
Burton doesn't know what to do about his imaginary green
conscience. |
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When
The Great Gazoo Gets Inside Your Head
NEW
BEDROCK CITY-- Mark
Burton may attribute his illusions to his excessive drinking. Mark has
been suffering from mild depression, and his solution was to get the answer
to his problems from his good friend Jack Daniels. But a consequence of
Jack's actions was the sudden manifestation of an animated alien conscience,
a little green creature determined to turn Mark's already upside-down
life...upside-downer.
His problem
started (he thinks) the night he passed-out on his couch, with the television
running a Hanna-Barbera marathon on the Cartoon Network. An excess of
liquor, combined with an overdose of The Flintstones may have
triggered something in his head that led to the substantiation of the
helmeted alien imp from the prehistoric cartoon series. |
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